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Home » Featured » Alice Cooper is Running for President

Alice Cooper is Running for President

July 18, 2016 By House of Hair

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Alice Cooper is running for President and Prime Minister, with a campaign slogan of “Make America Sick Again.”

“Alice Cooper is tired of the rhetoric, the mudslinging, the media frenzy,” reads a prepared statement. “Keeping his snake in his cage and the guillotine in storage, he is putting people before career. Alice Cooper wants to be elected.”

Cooper’s platform planks include:

1. Getting Brian Johnson back in AC/DC
2. A snake in every pot
3. No more pencils, no more books
4. Adding Lemmy to Mt Rushmore
5. Rename Big Ben “Big Lemmy”
6. Groucho Marx on the $50 bill
7. Peter Sellers on the £20 note
8. Cupholders required for every airplane seat
9. Ban on talking during movies in movie theatres
10. Ban on taking selfies, except on a designated National Selfie Day

In honor of his presidential bid, Cooper has released a new version of his song “Elected,” which you can stream.

Check out Cooper’s full platform at his official campaign website, votealicecooper.com.

Filed Under: Featured, Heavy Metal News

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